These Simple Minds just Cannot Seem to Understand....

...You are neurotic and depressed, it doesn't mean that you're sad.
Yeah, you walk around oblivious to everything
You wear that party dress and black mascara like a queen for the day...
Tell me why you wanna be blind;
I don't wanna be
Normal like you
I know now, everyday.
-Everclear

I've become extremely disatisfied with my friends. They do not understand my brain. They do not understand that I cannot grasp certain concepts, but I dig deeply into others. I see things they cannot see, but I cannot see a lot of basic "guidelines" for humanity.
I don't think its that I am full of angst.
I think the world is beautiful in its own way.
But I despise those who cannot accept differences.
I have had to accept that nobody will ever understand me, yet it seems no one can accept me.
However, lately, I've realized that I get no credit for my acceptance of others.
I get no credit for the good friend that I am to others [they just think I'm weird.]
I get no credit for thinking differently.
I get no credit for sticking up for myself and others.
I feel lonely.
Isolated.
I am starting to dislike my different thinking. But its because of other people.
Do I have to push myself to show people my positives?
I feel like I've dug myself into this hole. I thought I was safe, but I created my own destruction.
Everyday I have to tell myself to keep living.
I tell myself someday things will be better.
Someday I'll find someone who
gets me.
Someday.
I also tell myself that someday I'll die.
That thought comforts me more than any other.