...You are neurotic and depressed, it doesn't mean that you're sad.
Yeah, you walk around oblivious to everything
You wear that party dress and black mascara like a queen for the day...
Tell me why you wanna be blind;
I don't wanna be
Normal like you
I know now, everyday.
-Everclear
I've become extremely disatisfied with my friends. They do not understand my brain. They do not understand that I cannot grasp certain concepts, but I dig deeply into others. I see things they cannot see, but I cannot see a lot of basic "guidelines" for humanity.
I don't think its that I am full of angst.
I think the world is beautiful in its own way.
But I despise those who cannot accept differences.
I have had to accept that nobody will ever understand me, yet it seems no one can accept me.
However, lately, I've realized that I get no credit for my acceptance of others.
I get no credit for the good friend that I am to others [they just think I'm weird.]
I get no credit for thinking differently.
I get no credit for sticking up for myself and others.
I feel lonely.
Isolated.
I am starting to dislike my different thinking. But its because of other people.
Do I have to push myself to show people my positives?
I feel like I've dug myself into this hole. I thought I was safe, but I created my own destruction.
Everyday I have to tell myself to keep living.
I tell myself someday things will be better.
Someday I'll find someone who
gets me.
Someday.
I also tell myself that someday I'll die.
That thought comforts me more than any other.
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there's one phrase that i always say to myself but it's sometimes hard to get a grip on; don't give a fuck what others think. being able to think differently is just about the best skill you can have cause once you start to think like others you loose your value; you just start restating what has already been said. i am always digging myself into a hole too. sometimes i just don't feel like putting in the effort to be "socially acceptable" so i isolate myself which makes me want to stay alone for even longer.
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